People frequently buttonhole me about why The Virginia Gazette is declining. Corporate guidance explains a lot. This is why I took up sailing. –Capt. Bill
NEWS
-
Emphasize the digital website as timely and relevant. Print is dead.
-
Substitute the idea of genuine news with “content.” More catchy.
-
Jettison experienced reporters and editors. They’re too costly.
-
Hire low-pay rookies with no institutional knowledge. Fresh minds.
-
Better yet, hire freelancers and part-timers. No health benefits.
-
Encourage news releases and print verbatim. No controversy.
-
Cover local meetings verbatim without any context. Objective facts.
-
Fill pages with grip-and-grin group photos. Free content.
-
Shun investigative reporting altogether. Too time-consuming.
-
Pursue fluffy feature stories, especially animals. People love that.
-
Cancel special sections and investigative projects. Too narrow.
-
Ignore important news tips from the public. They’re pushing an agenda.
-
Fire the company libel attorney as obsolete. See 5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12.
-
Reduce copyediting and allow wrong homonyms. Their okay.
-
Make readers use automation to submit calendar items. No labor.
-
Publish ridiculous obituaries submitted by family. They paid for it.
ADVERTISING
-
Lie about the circulation numbers declining. Advertisers don’t care.
-
As subscriptions expire, keep delivering. That will fool advertisers.
-
Ignore the rate card and let advertisers pay whatever. We’re flexible.
-
Don’t give any raises to anyone, ever. You’re lucky to have a job.
-
As someone leaves, abolish the job. Others will take up the slack.
-
Automate the front-desk receptionist. Customer service is overrated.
-
Route circulation inquiries to the Philippines. Cheaper labor.
-
Automate Human Resources overseas. Employees need to buck up.
-
Sell the office building. Let everyone work from their car.
